Me and the boys...

So, I am finally alone for a second with both of the boys napping in the bedroom. The last couple days have been pretty wild; you never quite understand HOW wild until you get to bring a newborn home for the first time. Combine this with my already slightly exaggerated fear-level (from all the NICU fun), and you have one pretty sleep deprived mom!

As you may have read in Mark's last post, Dane is struggling with constipation; we're not sure if it's caused by the iron supplement he's taking, the formula we're using to fortify his breastmilk, or just the luck of the draw, but it's hard to see him in pain and not be able to immediately quell it! I guess that's just one of the things that parents eventually get used to - having to realize that they need to trust God's ability to take care of their babe when they can't.

As for how we're feeling/coping with the new shift in life, I've bawled pretty much every couple hours the past two days. Today is a little better, as I'm starting to get used to the schedule. I was able to shower, with Dane resting in the living room this morning - on the advice of a nurse who said that you need to force yourself to practice leaving the baby alone in a safe place to do other things, even briefly. She said if you don't start early, it'll only be harder. So, I took probably the world's fastest shower and ran back out to the living room to find Dane sleeping like an angel, not even having moved from the position he was in when I left. Phew. It's good to know that on top of everything else, I don't have to be dirty all the time:)

Mark is doing an amazing job of reassuring me when I get stressed about something, which makes me appreciate him in a whole new way. His relative calm is a beautiful thing when I'm sobbing because Dane's crying and I feel like he deserves someone much more skilled at parenting than I am. Mark is struggling with getting too little sleep, but on the advice of our friends, he's napping while Dane's napping, so that's a good plan for now.

We're also just feeling so excited to be able to see all our little guy's facial expressions, and hear all the little squeaks and sounds he makes. His personality is already coming out and we've laughed a lot about funny things he does. What a cool gift! Although, with us as parents, I'm sure he'll end up having a pretty good sense of humor to survive. Possibly not refined...but good;)

One more thing to pray about - I've been trying all sorts of things to try and decrease my supply (and hence, stop some of the painful/time-consuming stuff that goes along with too much milk), such as hot and cold compresses, taking Sudafed, taking B-6, pumping less frequently, and even putting cold cabbage leaves in my bra (Mark thinks this is hilarious because I smell like cabbage...go figure), but to no avail. I want to be able to focus on caring for Dane, and it's incredibly distracting to constantly be finding lumps that I need to pump out or waking in the night to pain. I would appreciate your prayers.

Well, I too am in need of a bit of rest, so I'm going to hit the hay while I can...yay for sleep!

The Voyage Home

Yesterday we got the big call from the NICU saying Dane was ready to come home. He'd passed his 48 hours of eating without being fed through the nasogastric tube. With emotions of excitement and nervousness at once, Larissa and I went to the hospital to pick him up and bring him home. We were told he was "ready to go" and assumed we'd just go get him and bring him home. 2 1/2 hours later, after they'd made all of the follow-up doctors appointments and photocopied his paperwork (labs, etc) to bring to his pediatrician (these were all things that seriously could'vebeen done prior to us getting there, which was frustrating because we just wanted to get home with him), we left for home.

After getting home, we got settled in. Dane was so excited to be home that he was unable to poop - until thismorning when Larissa helped him out with a q-tip smothered in vasoline (as recommended by the NICU). After ~36 hours without a bowel movement, he had been quite full. So full, in fact, that he was pretty fussy all night. He didn't want to sleep and didn't want to eat but just farted and strained and cried. Larissa and I didn't get much sleep, if any, until after his 1am feeding. Then we slept until 5am (waking up anytime he made a sound...or didn't make a sound, to see what was wrong or make sure he was still breathing) at which time Larissa got up to feed him and pump. After Larissa helped Dane have his bowel movement thismorning, he seemed much happier and took his bottle better and slept peacefully most of the afternoon. He even didn't get too upset when we gave him a real bath (in the kid tub set into our bathtub). Instead of getting upset, he just gave us a look that said "what are you DOING to me?!"

The rest of the day today has been as smooth as can be expected. We rarely feel like we know what we're doing and feel like we should still be visiting him at the NICU. We are hoping that he'll do a better job taking his whole bottle and that he'll get past this constipation that's bothering him. We are tired but can't yet sleep well because we're listening for him to know he's ok.

Dane is HOME!

We just picked up Dane at the hospital. More photos will be coming. He's doing great.

quick update

Big day today at the NICU. Dane hasn't needed a feeding through the tube in his nose since yesterday (Sunday) at 2:30am! We just got off the phone with the nurse taking care of Dane at the NICU (our nightly update) and she said that the doctor said that he thinks Dane may be able to come home TOMORROW if he continues to eat well (remember that he needs to go 48 hours without needing to be fed through the tube before he's eligible to come home). Another big milestone he passed tonight was his car seat test. He sat in the car seat for over an hour without losing good oxygen saturation. Translation: he's good to go home from that standpoint. And lastly, Dane got his first shot tonight! (I'm sure he was very excited about that...) He got Hepatitis B #1. We'll continue getting the rest of his shots during upcoming pediatrician visits. (He will also continue to get passive-immunity for several more months because Larissa passes on her antibodies in the breast milk.)

Suffice to say, while Larissa and I knew that Dane theoretically could be coming home tomorrow if his feeds continue to do well, we were still a bit blown away when the nurse told us on the phone that the NICU doctor said it. It was one thing to think about it, another thing entirely to hear it from the NICU. So, we'll see in the morning how tonight went for him and if they still think he might be coming home tomorrow. We are really glad that we have clean clothes and his pack-and-play all ready for him. Yes, we also still have plenty of breast milk. So, we'll see what tomorrow holds. We are hoping to get some good sleep tonight in preparation for some less-than-ideal nights of sleeping once he does come home.

our freezer is full!

Our freezer is officially full of breast milk (>600 ounces already). For those of you who love math, that is over 5 gallons of frozen breast milk! We have such an overabundance of breast milk that we are trying to decrease Larissa's supply. This is harder to accomplish than you'd think. Larissa has been trying to wean the supply by pumping less (less volume pumped, fewer minutes spent pumping, less power on the pump, spacing pumps further apart) but it hasn't been working. That has only led to constant engorgement, which is painful and scary (having lumps makes her feel even more out of control of her body). Even the "lactation consultant" nurse at the hospital seemed surprised by how much milk Larissa is pumping. We have been researching methods of reducing her supply. Some websites suggest drinking sage tea. The lactation consultant suggested taking sudafed every other day. Anyone have any suggestions for what does / doesn't work? Almost everything we read is about how to increase milk supply, which is definitely not our problem.

Dane has been doing well. His feedings have been at 45cc every 3 hours. Today the doctors switched him to either 45cc / 3 hours OR 60cc /4 hours based on any cues he gives about how hungry he is. Today he tolerated the 4 hour feedings all day, which is great. (We would definitely prefer for him to only wake us up every 4 hours all night instead of every 3 hours... every little bit helps!) Because of his acid reflux, we are trying to hold Dane upright for at least 20 minutes after each feeding. One of the recommended techniques is to put him on my leg with his head on my knee. This way, his head is above his stomach and there is some pressure on his stomach to help get any air out and reduce his reflux. As you can see from the photo, he really likes it. :)

Lastly, Dane is getting close to coming home! Today we were told to bring in our car seat tomorrow. They strap him in for at least an hour (preferably two hours) to make sure he doesn't lose good oxygenation while strapped in. This happens when babies slouch in the car seat, either because they are too small or it isn't fit correctly for him. So, even though we aren't planning on any long car trips for a while (our apartment is only ~5 minutes from the hospital), we can't take him home until he passes the car seat test. Hopefully he'll be break the 5-pound mark tomorrow and as he gets bigger, his chances of passing the car seat test increase. We're hoping he passes on the first try, tomorrow, so that he can come home once they say he's ready. :) If you look at the picture of Dane enjoying his bottle, you can really see how much better (and fatter - he definitely has a double chin now) he looks than the similar photo from a couple weeks ago. And look how happy he looks after eating...

some new things

Dane had a very stressful day yesterday. First he had his second head ultrasound. We were told these were just a formality and they didn't expect to see anything. As it turned out, there was a "little abnormal something" seen on the first ultrasound that they wanted to recheck. There was a small abnormal spot that "may or may not be a small intracranial bleed" from the first scan that is still present. The radiologist wouldn't commit to a definitive answer but the NICU doctor said that he doesn't think it is anything problematic. He said that it is either not a bleed or is a Grade I (the lowest grade) bleed. It is also difficult to tell exactly what is going on because the ultrasound was done through his anterior fontanelle (the small soft spot at the front of his skull, which doesn't provide a large window to view his brain with the ultrasound). These bleeds aren't surprising in preemies, we were told, and they are frequently due to trauma at birth. They were a bit surprised that it wasn't resolved by now, 4 weeks after delivery, but they said that it isn't worse and there aren't any new abnormal spots so the physician isn't too concerned. Even if it is the Grade I bleed, most preemies with this grade intracranial bleed do fine. As of right now, it will be up to the physician if he wants to get a better look at the spot with a MRI of his brain (which would be done at 40 weeks, ~3 weeks from now) or just follow Dane's progress clinically. They don't think there is much reason to get the MRI right now because even if he had the Grade I bleed, it wouldn't change his medical management at this time.

The second big event from yesterday was Dane's eye exam. The pediatric ophthalmologist said that the blood vessels in his eyes look very well developed. The only concern was that he has several retinal hemorrhages. Again, these are somewhat common as birth trauma but usually are completely healed within 2 weeks and are less commonly seen 4 weeks after delivery. They said these hemorrhages could also be due to trauma since birth, which is also extremely unlikely since he hasn't left the NICU yet. Because of the possible intracranial bleed and the retinal hemorrhages, the doctors got another blood draw on Dane. It showed that he is still anemic (not surprising after less than a week since the last blood test) but, the good news, is that his PT/PTT (measures of his platelet function and how well he clots from both internal and external stimuli) and platelet count was also normal. So for now, they don't believe that Dane has a bleeding disorder and are assuming that the possible intracranial bleed and the retinal hemorrhages are due to birth trauma. We will be following up with the pediatric ophthalmologist in ~2 weeks to see if things are resolved.

Finally, Dane is still doing well (but not doing perfect) with his feedings. He is continuing to gain weight and hasn't needed many feedings through his nasogastric tube. Today, he was increased from 40cc / 3 hours to 45cc / 3 hours. We were with him for 2 feedings and he did very well. He took his entire bottle on the first feed and for the second he breastfed really well. We weren't expecting him to breast feed well on the second feed, so we hadn't weighed him prior to the feeding and therefore had no idea how much he drank. But he did latch and feed well for almost 40 minutes. We assumed that he got about half of his feeding from that and then successfully took ~25cc of milk from the bottle.

We are getting very excited for Dane to come home! Because of this, we finished washing all of his preemie clothes and blankets/sheets tonight. All of his clothes are so small and cute! Pretty much everything is ready for him to come home (we think).

Dane is Famous!

Dane is 4 weeks old today! (And, therefore, it has been 4 weeks since his blog was started). You may have noticed a box at the bottom of the blog that says "visitor counter" with no additional information. This counter is part of Google Analytics and, by checking our account, we can view lots of really interesting information about the website visitors. For instance, since the blog was started The Daily Dane has had:
1,188 site visits with 2,442 total pageviews, of which the counter noted 237 unique visitors / IP addresses from a recorded 7 countries (USA, Brazil, Ghana, Israel, China, Germany, & Thailand). Most (505) of the page visits have been from Madison, WI (thanks Grandma and Grandpa Anderson) but, as I mentioned, we have had people check up on Dane from around the world.

And as far as the Dane Report today, Dane is doing well. After we left the NICU last night, he went 8 feedings in a row taking them entirely from the bottle! That is great! His 2pm feed today, however, he needed some help to finish the last 10cc of his bottle...he just got too tired, so we fed him through his tube. It is encouraging that he is doing better. His improvement is, at least in part, due to switching him to the Dr. Brown Wide-Neck bottle. He loves it and it helps him latch for a better suck. We are learning his cues as to when he is drinking too fast or forgets to breathe, so as to help not overload him with milk in one mouthful and either throw up or aspirate some milk into his lungs.

Because we hope he is getting close to coming home, I stopped by the Winfield Fire Department and had two really nice firemen help correctly install the carseat. Larissa and I tried our best, but it seems that the back seat in Larissa's Camry is too sloped for the carseat, so they had to prop the seat up with some foam to make it at the correct angle. We also thought it was odd that the carseat is only connected at the rear of the bench, clipped to where the seat meets the backrest. The front end of the carseat (which is actually the rear of the carseat, because for newborns you have the carseat in the back, facing back) has a little movement to it but the firemen said some movement is fine as long as there is less than an inch of wiggle-room where it connects to the seat.

Lastly, we had Larissa's 2nd baby shower today (at Tyndale, with her coworkers). It was fun for her to see everyone and the theme was mini-food, in homage to our mini-babe:) We got some much needed last items from the baby registry. One of her co-workers, Rachel, also made an amazing cake; it was delicious and rivaled any "professional" cake we've ever seen. Thanks to everyone who came - we had a great time catching up!